


Letters to Myself

by flarrow_huntbastian



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, depressed!MrSchue, depressed!Will, suicidal!MrSchue, suicidal!will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 05:10:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18514570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flarrow_huntbastian/pseuds/flarrow_huntbastian
Summary: Emma does some spring cleaning and comes across a box of Will's high school memorabilia.  Buried within the box she finds a letter seventeen year old Will wrote in the blackest time of his life.  Finding the letter impacts Will in ways that may be destructive.





	Letters to Myself

**Author's Note:**

> I searched far and wide and alas I couldn't find and depressed Mr Schue fanfics! I hope there are some somewhere! I decided I wanted to write my own. This may be a one-shot... I'm not sure. It really depends on how many of you read it and if you want it to be longer :)))

Walking through the halls of McKinley high never failed to remind William Schuster of his own high school days.  He was a fairly popular kid until his hidden musical theatre obsession came to light.  From that day forward he was an outcast, much like his current Glee club members. 

From the age of 13 Will was an anxious teen wondering where the next beating was coming from.  He hid at lunch and break.  He never ate at school for fear of being called fat or for fear of his food being stolen.  Let me be clear, William Schuster was NOT a fat child.  If anything he was too thin, his high metabolism stopped him from putting on weight and his dance practice made sure any weight he did put on was built into muscle pretty quickly. 

Now walking down the halls Will thinks about how depressed he got, how much he wanted to just disappear, how often he truly thought of ending it all.  When he looks back now he looks back knowing that he got past it, he got through it and he’s better because of it.  He’s happy now, he’s married and he’s living the life he’s always wanted to.  He proved those stuck up bullies wrong and he came out on top.

 

Will had had a long day, he was tired and he just longed to go home and have dinner with his wife.  He drove home as quickly as he could and parked the car hap hazardously just so he could get in quicker.  Emma had taken the day off because she had built up holidays and was desperate to clean out the hall way cupboard.

Will entered the house to find it quiet.  After he removed his coat and shoes he entered the living room to see a familiar envelope on the coffee table.  He couldn’t quite place where he’d seen it before but he knew he had.  He placed his work bag in the living room and went to find Emma.  When he entered the kitchen he saw Emma waiting.

“Will,” she said gently, “I need to talk to you… Please come and sit in the living room.”

As Emma led the way to the sofa Will knew it had to have something to do with that familiar envelope.

“I found this when I was going through the cupboard.  It was in one of your boxes marked high school.”  Emma explained.

It was then Will knew exactly what the envelope was. 

“I wrote it when I was seventeen.” He cut in.

Emma quietened knowing he was about to tell her what she wanted to know.  She took his hand in hers and held it tight, knowing this would be hard for him.

“I’ve told you about how hard my high school experience was before.  I got harassed every day and no one ever did anything about it.  When I was seventeen I had fallen so far, my grades were slipping and everything was spiralling so far out of control that I snapped and when one of the jocks came after me verbally I fought back.  I had so much pent up rage that I just attacked him.  I just remember there was so much blood, both mine and his.  But he came out worse than I did and so when I finally realised what I’d done I just left.  I cried as I drove home and I just… I was done… I knew I couldn’t show my face at that school ever again because all of his friends would be after me and they would kill me.  I was ready to end my life.  I wrote this letter when I got home and then I went into the shed in the back garden and I… I…” Will had gotten so far but he choked up. I was hard to relive his worst moments like this.  “I slit my wrists and I just let it bleed.  My father found me pretty quickly since he got home from work half an hour after I get home.  I was rushed to hospital and went through intensive care and suicide watch before going through in-patient care for months.  I missed my graduation and had to repeat my senior year but I got better.”  
Will finished and finally looked up.  Both he and Emma were crying and neither was ashamed for it.  They just sat and cried together.

For the next few days Will had this thought in the back of his mind.  He’d told Emma he got better.  He didn’t have thoughts like those anymore.  He couldn’t help but feel like he’d been untruthful.  He wasn’t sure but he couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Without Emma knowing he’d taken the suicide letter with him to work the next day.  When he had time alone in his office he opened it and read it.  He relived every scar when he read that letter.  For the first time in a long time he truly looked at his arms where those scars were, they were still visible, they still ran deep.  He thought about that black day and how he felt.  After thinking over the situation over and over again he felt different.  But it was fine, he’s better right?  He got passed this over twenty years ago.  Surely he’s just over thinking things.  He’s fine.


End file.
